Author · American · 1835 – 1910 · 210 quotes
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Mark Twain
Author · American · 1835 – 1910
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
