Will Rogers Quotes | GloryQuotes

Will Rogers Quotes About Money

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Will Rogers Quotes About Funny

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

More Quotes by Will Rogers

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

Browse 121 quotes attributed to Will Rogers, listed in the source data as a American Actor, organized around themes such as Money, Funny, Time. Use the topic links to explore similar quotes, or browse the full author collection in one place.