Groucho Marx Quotes – Page 2 | GloryQuotes

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.