People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my wh… — Mitch Hedberg

People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

Mitch HedbergComedian · American · 1968 – 2005

More from Mitch Hedberg

Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it. — George Bernard Shaw
The most happy man is he who knows how to bring into relation the end and beginning of his life. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. — Oscar Wilde
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. — Mitch Hedberg
I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones. — Mitch Hedberg
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny! — Mitch Hedberg