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- Nothing flatters a man as much as the happiness of his wife; he is always proud of himself as the source of it.
- That's what a man wants in a wife, mostly; he wants to make sure one fool tells him he's wise.
- Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
- If the world were a bar, America would currently be the angry drunk waving around a loaded gun. Yeah, the other people in the bar may be afraid of him, but they sure as hell don't respect him.
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