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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Tim AllenComedian · American · b. 1953
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  • And all people live, Not by reason of any care they have for themselves, But by the love for them that is in other people. — Leo Tolstoy
  • My mother was a good mistress to her servants, taking care of them in their sicknesses, not sparing any cost she was able to bestow for their recovery. — Margaret Cavendish
  • I think I was well brought up, for my father and mother were of one mind regarding the care of the family. — Catherine Helen Spence
  • Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. — Tim Allen
  • Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. — Tim Allen
  • Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. — Tim Allen
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