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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Phyllis DillerComedian · American · b. 1917
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  • We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • All men are children, and of one family. The same tale sends them all to bed, and wakes them in the morning. — Henry David Thoreau
  • We can't form our children on our own concepts; we must take them and love them as God gives them to us. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. — Phyllis Diller
  • I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? — Phyllis Diller
  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. — Phyllis Diller
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