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- People are treating the Stewart case as seriously as Enron when it's really over trivia. — Allan Sloan
- Report, report, report. Dig, dig, dig. Think, think, think. Don't stop being a reporter because you've become a columnist. — Allan Sloan
- Teamwork is better than isolation, especially for a columnist. — Allan Sloan
- I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way. — Allan Sloan
- The lesson that any thinking person draws from the Stewart saga is that when the government asks questions, run for your lawyer and don't say a word. Had Stewart kept her mouth shut, she'd be OK. — Allan Sloan
- The column's worked out great for me. I've gotten a ton of ego satisfaction, had a lot of fun, won a batch of prizes and occasionally done some public good. — Allan Sloan