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- It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it! — Lewis Black
- If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer. — Lewis Black
- Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. — Lewis Black
- There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. — Lewis Black
- In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants. — Lewis Black
- If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. — Lewis Black